TASM Lab - The Near Complete and Personal History of Jeff Till

2005, as far as a list of personal events, will seem thin, but in fact there were several big things that can be described shortly. The first must be Adelaide Rudolph Till's birth on July 23rd, 2005. The second are the five months of living with and taking care of and enjoying and loving Adelaide that followed. In that time she went from a ham-like creature that liked to cry and poop, to a fairly articulate, handsy, smiley little baby person who cries and poops. But she also talks in her own language and plays peek-a-boo and likes ice water, drinking out of cups, and chewing on knuckles. She hates being on her stomach and fashionable restaurants. A distant third event was the previous seven months of Jen's pregnancy, which was a fairly breezy, easy pregnancy, and was overshadowed to the point of being a non-memory by Adie's arrival. The fourth was Jen's recovery from pregnancy, which was long and harrowing, with weeks of bed rest, multiple infections, visiting nurses, packing, and other horrors. The fifth was the purchase of our massive cool house in Amesbury and the subsequent move to the house in November. Amesbury is really far away, but I don't go anywhere. The sixth is the sale (pending early Jan 06) of 19 Lewis Ave, our first (and Adie's) real home. The seventh is the first full year of my company and corporate independence, which has changed from a wild experiment into a way of life. My clients include IBM, RedThread, BioProcessors, Coldwell Banker, Ogilvy, Darwin Partners, SuccessImage, and many pass-alongs through clients. Beyond having a baby, buying a house, and running my old business, I didn't do much else. On the business front, I strangley made less than I did in 2004. I launched LenderContact.com and Realtorcontact.com, verticalized versions of Referralsoft.com. Referralsoft and Leapthought continue on, scraping few funds. GleeCD is pathetically marketed, dropped from my focus after the baby, and results in no new business. Sam Patel acquires two jobs and starts CIMCo. Xavi and Chris and I summit in DC in March for fun in Baltimore. I see a hootenanny and 500Years is conceptualized. The Iraq war rages(?) on. New Orleans Katrina happens. Patriots win the Superbowl again. I become a rabid football fan and play fantasy football online. I sell 11 TASM Lab CDs, and continue to inch along the next record, finishing a demo of it in March, but making no real additional progress for the remainder of the year. I have a wholesale failure in keeping a 1-painting-per-year goal alive, and produce nothing in the entire year (after only sliding one in 2004 as a technicality). Xavi and Chris visit Boston. My mom visits four or five times, dad twice, Katherine twice. Xavi and Kim got engaged to be married. Donna Wilson stages a fake wedding or something. Walter gets engaged to be married. Kevin and Kasmene buy a condo. Chris and Elise also have a baby. Chris and Kelly's dog dies. Meeta gets a new job and her and Sam decide to move to Philly (but don't do it, yet). They put their house on the market the same week we put our condo on. I play the game "Beyond Good and Evil" which was really neat. "Revenge of the Sith" is released to my delight. My mom gets a full time job as a philosophy professor at St. Petes college. Toolmaster has a new daughter in May. Stephen Lynch sells out the Orpheum and tours through a couple times. Chris Bryer's sort of releases the excellent 'Birds'. Dave buys a snowboard and starts snowboarding and buys weights and starts wieghtlifting. Jen and I have been together for nine years. Happytill.com is launched, as well as 500years.org. Dumbmail does nothing (buy hey it was a great training ground for programming). I begin leasing my own dedicated web server. Dave's company S3 merges with Verndale Systems. Chris Beck gets a new job with the Department of Homeland Security as an auditor or something. Sam becomes an analyst. Xavi and I are still playing 'lord of the rings' on X-box. Early in the year, Xavi and Kim and Jen and I have a LOTR marathon in Milwaukee. I get a video camera. Kevin and I film "Triste de Canard" and I film a hackish video for "fuck fuck..." and a monkey puppet show. I go on stringent 105 day diet to successfully lose 25 pounds and lower my blood pressure. I begin excersising and maintain a regimine from February to October. I eat Egg Beaters for almost every day for the entire year. Kevin and Dave start (or continue?) the inexplicable Gooseneck game. Kevin begins getting his Masters. Kevin is a scream in the 48 hour film project (why is my bio mostly about Kevin?) Dave adopts a new dog, Ginger Bella Donna. Walter gets a dog too, called Petey or something. Liz and Justin get engaged. I guess I went to Florida, but travelled no where else. Drew and Jess buy a condo. Kathy and Norm start building a house. I don't think I read a single book. We upgraded to the Netflix 6 package. I get a Costco membership. I invent the dish chickapus.

The three largest events of this year are: my wife, Jennifer, is pregnant with our first child; I purposely quit my full-time adult job to pursue wealth and new business ventures on my own terms independently; I got an X-Box. Jen finds out she's preggers after 3-4 months of purposely trying in Oct/Nov timeframe. She has the flu for a month. I started the year continuing the Japanese leadership development project with EMC, Dr. Bander, and Decision Logic until June 1st. When the project ends, I quit my job to ensure that I stay at home and begin building my own equity. In my first six months on my own I earn the equivalent of the entire year as a real employee. Not bad. (So I gave myself a raise) This is the end of the 'escape plan' - mission accomplished. My new CONSULTING company is called the Strategy and Methods Lab, or SAM-Lab, and is named to sound like TASM Lab (originally considered TSAM Lab, still pronounced SAM-Lab, like TSunami). A tsunami hits central Asia and kills >100,000. At SAM-Lab, I work for Red Thread, HNW, IBM, BearingPoint, and Darwin Partners. Red Thread is founded. Through these companies, I work for Allstate, SAP, Coldwell Banker, BioProcessors, LaSalle, Fidelity, Oppenhiemer, Flynn Insurance (we launch Flynnins.com), and LDI. In general, I leave the home office only twice weekly, and traveled for business on two occasions (once to CT, once to NYC). I formulate and make it through the new plan, which I plan on being transitional (1/4 million in my pajamas plan, to be completed hopefully by 2006). I visit the Berkshires for a weekend to listen to the BSO at Tanglewood. I visit Spain and AFRICA - Morocco, which is easily the best tourism I've done. We upgrade Netflix to the 5 disc program (this is important). I see one of my now-favorite movies, American Splendor, many times. I create and launch REFERRALSOFT.com, an application for independent marketers to run referral campaigns. Its a massive piece of programming that I'm sure would easily cost a big company 6 figures to create. I start a partnership with Brad and Mike Roche to turn it into a tool for mortgage advisors. We improve it and launch it to the market, including attending a mortgage trade show in Detroit. Response is very positive, but sales are slow. Dave Nash and I record our first GleeCD demo with St. Mary's of Rockport and press the disc. It comes out wonderful and St. Mary's even sells more copies than people in their parish. Unfortunately, a second client remains unfound despite many marketing letters mailed. LeapThought crawls through its first real year, and gets the addition of LeapLines (a significant bullet-making tool, and a pretty hefty peice of content in itself) in hopes of driving traffic. I write some songs for TASM Lab #7 and get 1/2 way done recording a demo. Songs include "Bismuth Kisses", "Cool Water for Drinking", "Fate Steps Out of Her Well", "The Soused Romantics", "The Day I Woke Up Old", and "Army of Children". These are added to previously written or half written "Attach Dogs of Compassion", "The Whole Goddam World", and "The End of Unimportance". Dave gives me a hand-me-down classical guitar. I co-buy a portable recording studio with Dave. I continue to get REASON magazine, one of the best things I get to read. I discontinue all subs to Stuff and Maxim (let them run out) because they were balls ass funny three years ago and now are tired. I read the books Dune, America (the daily show parody), Adventures of Huck Finn, and Adventures of Tom Sawyer. I complete the games Halo and Halo II, and have interim progress with "Return of the King", "Knights of the Old Republic", and "Grand Theft Auto III". My sister gets an X-box too. And she buys a house. Sam spends another year unemployed. Dave buys a truck. The Patriots win the SuperBowl and have the longest winning streak of any NFL team ever. The Red Sox win the World Series. Its a good year for sports in Boston. George Bush is elected president, and some say its because they didn't want Boston to win anything else (already to much awesomeness). We visti Xavi and Kim in Milwaukee. Walter meets a nice girl and so does Tim. The Democratic National Convention is held here in Boston and Chris Beck takes me to a party were he introduces me to his boss the Californian congresswoman. Chris suggests that he might run for office. The big dig is almost done. Geoff and Molly Halsey visit from Portland OR. Jared moves to Seattle. Don't hear much from Michelle Graf. Brent releases "pipebomb full of nails" with Cosmonaut, and never I recieve it. Marian Dunshee gets married. Keven and Kasmene Banks get married (and we went to a bachelor party in Providence). We stage two LAN parties and they are too cool for school. My mother starts teaching philosophy at St. Petes college and gets a promotion at her day job. I buy a 2001 Saab 9-5. And a new bed. TASM Lab.com turns 5 years old. I start a painting in January, but don't finish it before the year is up. In fact, its still in pencil. I do complete the Jokers, as I was close at year end. I go to Detroit for Christmas. Citizens buys Charter One, and Fleet is acquired by BOA. My best golf score is a 102, 3 strokes better than the year before. I get brand new clubs and give the old ones to Walter. I start playing a little bit of tennis. I eat at (notably) Upstairs at the Pudding and Oleana. I go to the hospital because of a strange arm injury, likely related to epicondyle fracture incurred earlier, while playing golf. It plagues me for the remainder of the year. I brew my first batch of beer, Brown Bonobo. Dumbmail.com sits alone like a terd with few additions. No home improvements for the whole year. Lynch plays the Paradise and the Orpheum. Toolmaster's pregnant. TASM CD sales total $140 for the year. Screwtape goes to digital distribution, but the encoding is screwed up. No sales, although its not necessarily attributable to the encoding error. Al Wiseman has a baby, Sasha, whom I watch grow up online. I play Pente with Craig Verity, who is still in San Diego. Xavi plays golf for the first time in his life. An egg dipped sandwich is the only thing to really be added to the guest menu, and its not even that great. I do learn how to fry an egg. My cock grows 7 inches longer (not really).

This seems like a lot of stuff, but in many ways, I really really sat around on my ass this year. This is what happens when you remove the 60-hour-per-week bad habit called work.

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2003
I start the year recovering from the eponcondyle fracture. I play the video game "Guts Rage". Hero the Horse is sent to Virginia, as he is too dangerous for human company. There is one visit to Washington DC to see the professor. Xavi visits four times. One of my favorite things, Lord of the Rings, finishes up with the spectacular "Return of the King". The secret web project is launched and makes $900 in its first four months. Also launched is dumbmail.com and gleecd.com, along with the final plan for the community recording project. I learn PHP and MySQL which puts me developing software and web pages. TASMlab.com gets a makeover in its fourth or fifth year of operation. I build Chris Everestts Nordlundassociates.com site. The 'escape plan' is formuated, with three of ten businesses set in motion. The Hudson Debacle "Into The Monkey Oven" is released and not a single copy is sold. A power (power?) shift at H-N-W separates me from my pet project there, and working at home with a reduced workload for months. I paint my front porch. Kevin Banks launches Kevinbanks.com. Kevin gets engaged to be married. I quit H-N-W and begin working at a new firm doing workforce consulting - essentially looking to move US jobs to India, the only boom industry at the time. I still work at home for about 7 months out of the year. Best golf score for the summer: 105, 4 strokes better than 2002. I work designing work processes for a company that designs control systems for nuclear powerplants, and then later build competency models for a Japanese system integration firm. I visit Detroit and the Birkshires. We join Netflix. My last surviving grandparent dies. My dad and I visit Cooperstown NY and the baseball hall of fame (maybe this happened in 2004). The Benz is taken back to the dealership, and we buy a used Saab 9-5 Steve Lynch marries Erin Dwight and I attend their wedding. Lynch himself plays Boston three times to bigger sold out venues time after time. Jared Bryant moves from California to Kalamazoo. Saddam Hussien is captured. I meet Dan Roe of Desecrator who is now a Phd in abnormal psychology and teaches at Harvard. I re-record guitar and vocals for the "Overman Racecar" tape and rerelease it. One copy sells. Sam goes almost another year unemployed, but scores his CFA III. Mike Roche moves into his new studio building. Kim Oriel graduates with her masters and gets a job at a consulting firm. TASM online CD sales peaks at $500. I write only one complete new song (The Attack Dogs of Compassion). I nearly complete a new painting called "The Jokers". Two sculptures (of grotesques) are built for my mother and sister, but are destroyed in transit. I receive a paninni press for Christmas. A special Pork n' beans is probably the most successful new dish of the year.

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2002
This year was a little better than 2001, but not much. I was re-hired by HNW in the same position (still no raises). A website/product I dreamt up in April of 2001 finally goes live. The services business which I was the first member of in November 2000 is close to being profitable. I play the game Spiderman on my Dreamcast. I finish the painting "Into the Monkey Oven", a portrait of my wife, and a four piece painting of the Atlantic ocean for my family-in-law. I write just two songs: "Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck", and "Icecream". The Hudson Debacle plays TT the Bears, the 608 and the Skybar. I organize a failure of a show for CDBaby/musicthoughts list called "Tourbaby". "Out of the Blue" is evicted from thier space and move to Prospect street. My sister finds a new job with Charter One. Chris Beck is awarded a Congressional Science Fellowship and moves to DC. Xavier gets his PhD, gains a post-doc at U of Milwaukee to study Gravity waves and moves there. Hudson Debacle breaks up. The Hudson Debacle also records and comes close to releasing thier second record "Into the Monkey Oven". Jen sells Bonnie and buys Hero, a heroic thoroughbred right off the track. Craig Verity moves to San Diego. Sam Patel remains unemployed for the entire year. The economy stoops further than it has in years. The country is seemingly on the brink of war with Iraq and the end of civil liberties. The Patriots win the Superbowl. No travel, besides visiting my mother in FLA and work in NYC. After playing a record 16 rounds during the year, I shoot my best golf game of 109. I briefly get my own office at work, and then move in with Matt Warren. Dave Nash starts work back at SolidSense almost the same day that I return to work. I experience a epicondyle fracture from trying to mount a horse. I have to have elbow surgery where they put a bolt in my elbow, and wear a brace for weeks on end. I have a tooth extracted that same week. I build to small scultpures for my mother and sister. I paint for wee paintings for the Rudolphs. I learn how to make my own onion rings (and they ain't bad!).

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2001
Worst year ever, and not just for me. No raises anywhere. The Hudson Debacle cranks along well, with a few shows at the Sky Bar and the Milky Way and finishes recording our first, 14-song album. I lose my job as Vice President of Strategy at HNW., a company specializing in marketing to HNWi's, previously known as the HNW Digital, formerly known as Worth Interactive and worth.com. Travel to St. Louis and Naples Florida (but don't travel in general). The World Trade Center is destroyed in a purposeful terrorist attack, killing thousands. On the same day, Mo and me take a brief vacation to the Berkshires. Also on the same day, TASM Fellows/friends "the Thought Industry" releases thier sixth album "Shortwave on a Cold Day", which I design the cover art for. My mother moves to Florida to live by the ocean, she buys a condo and gets a new job at a FL-based NPO. Sharks attack Florida. Dave loses his job four days before Christmas. Kalamazoo hang-out and dive "Harvey's" closes. I finish four paintings, including "The Drinkers", "Rockmen to a Faraway Nowhere", and two smaller ones of a guitarist and cellist dressed as a frog and a duck (both are given as gifts to my mother and sister). I write a handful of songs "Lost in the Parking Lot", "The Fantastic Asshole (co-written with DA Nash)", "The Trick-Heart Assassin", "Crimes of the Dancefloor Make-out Artist (lyrics and vocal melody only, music by Xavi", "The Hospital in the Ocean", and "How to Fight a Girl". The Hudson Debacle moves from Chris' basement to the Allied Screw and Bolt company, to Xavi's basement. Buy a Sega Dreamcast and play the games "Draconus" and "Soul Reaver". Work as a contract employee for Fidelity Capital (Veritude) and PriceWaterhouseCoopers. TASM Fellows Jared Bryant and Michelle Graf move to Boston. Jared quickly relocates to San Fransisco. Mike Roche purchases a retail location for Broadside Studios. I am a key organizer (although a 'key' organizer, the bulk of the project work is done by a diverse team) of a team of CD Baby artist in a charity music compilation for the 9/11 disaster, entitled "The World will Remember". This website is in its third year, and I change Internet providers. The US economy takes a dump. I sell my small stake in Acclaim entertainment at a 400% profit, but lose equally sized stakes in other securities. TASM Fellow Craig moves to and back from Arizona. Thoughtindustry.com is launched. KevinBanks.com is launched. Chris Beck gets a post-doc at NorthEastern University. Xavier Siemens completes a lecture tour of England. The Ted Williams (or thrid-harbor) tunnel opens to limited pedestrian traffic. I perfect a recipe for a damn fine gumbo.

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2000
Year of spending: I bought a drum set and starting learning how to play. Started new punk band with long time friends Dave, Chris and Xavi called The Hudson Debacle. Write six new songs: "Daddy Drinks because You Cry", "The Planet-Earth Ejector Seat", "The Model of My Affection", "The Little Boy Who Was Hit By Lightning While Playing Baseball When It Wasn't Even Raining", "Your Drunk Drunk Secretary", and "Stupid Yesterday". Seven years after moving to Boston, dragging my bass amp across the country in leiu of furniture or clothes, finally play at the Middle East rock club with (said) rock band. Make $10 from show. My wife, Jennifer, quits her salaried position and starts her own design firm. I begin to blur things that happen to me and events that happen to Jen, and think about things that happen to "us". First lurcrative batch of TeleTech stock options vest when the market was at its hottest. I bought a condo by the Atlantic Ocean, and subsequently move from Cambridge to Goofyville-by-the-Sea. Become a junior electrician, hobbyist wall-painter and expert wall reconstructionist in the process. I attend TASM Fellow Chris Bryers' wedding. My sister moves from Boston back to Detroit. TASM Fellow Craig Verity moves to Arizona. A black cloud hits Kalamazoo and TASM Fellows Craig, Brent, Jared, and Mike all split with thier long-term women. I bought a Horse. I buy my first car ever, a sweet 2001 Mercedes c-class. I bought my second car weeks later, a black 2001 VW Jetta that I actually get to drive. Sleet releases "The Volume Drops", which I help with the album cover. Bush is elected President. I design the cover for punk legends FEAR's new CD, "American Beer". I turn fucking 30. I appear on Ben Walker's radio show as a Karaoke activist. Pamet River collapses under its own weight and I help close down the company. I worked for Dow Dupont Elastomers, Digital Creators, Hibernet and even help sell (with a cast of thousands) the ka-billion dollar Ford deal at TeleTech. I follow my boss to Worth Interactive, a company focused on marketing for High Net Worth-focused financial services companies, where I work as Director of Strategy. Get a raise (sort of). Immeadiate, Pamet-like layoffs are timed with my arrival. I sell nothing in the two months I'm there, but gain advocacy within the company anyways. Jen and I have our second wedding anniversary (yet still haven't finished our wedding pictures yet). I begin my largest canvas ever (5x6 foot), entitled "The Drinkers" (when I was younger, I could paint 3 paintings a week. Now I am pressed to finish one per year and they take me hours and hours). I finish my second sculpture, "Blissful Native". I read Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged" (and "The Fountainhead"), which makes so much sense to me that I fundamently change my outlook on life and begin boring friends with evangelistic ravings. Jen begins fox hunting at the Myopia Hunt Club to supplement her polo itch. Chris Beck FINALLY gets his PhD. My sister begins working for NY Life, my mom's boyfriend Rick begins working at Home Depot. This website chugs along in its second year.

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1999
I finished my third CD, Penisgeek Chrestomathy. I finished my first full sized sculpture, "the Surprised Slave". Painted cover to "Penisgeek". Finished painting "Shortwave on a cold day" in a mad rush to make Thought Industry's album deadline. I built my first fountain, which is no great shakes, but it works. It spits water out of its nose and hands. At PricewaterhouseCoopers I worked in Florida at Toyota for a few months. Worked briefly for Fleet Bank. "Phantom Menace" is released and like many goofballs, I skip work to go see it. Went to Disneyland. Visited Paris. See the Decendants and Helmet play live. I quit PricewaterhouseCoopers to work at a small marketing firm on Newbury Street called Pamet River as a marketing strategist. Got a raise. This website is painstakingly created and launched. The old site is shut down. TASM Fellow Charles Bradford has a baby named Arlene. Close up 1999 with first TASM Lab live show at Harveys in Kzoo, opening up for Thought Industry. Wrote song "Whole Goddam World". When I was in high-school I would write 3 songs per week, now I count them by the year and they take me weeks to render. My sister begins working for Brown and Company, a discount stock brokerage owned by Schwab. Finally "arrive" for the first time.

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1998
Got married to Mo. Worked in New Jersey, Minnesota and Los Angeles for Prudential and Disney. Visited Venice and Florence. Jen starts to play polo as a hobby. TASM Fellow Brent Oberlin gets married. TASM Fellow Chris Bryers moves to LA. Separated myself from Out of the Blue, although earily have to complete tax forms years later. Begin formally writing "Essential Cubicle Nosepicker".

1997
I start painting in oils, which are far superior to other painting media, but didn't start until now because of misdirection by shoddy university painting instructors. Painted the picture "Circumcision in the Woods", "America is Love Spelled Backwords"(this painting is lost) and "Sleeping Mos". Left A.T. Kearny to work at Price Waterhouse, later to become PricewaterhouseCoopers, as a management consultant. Got a raise. Worked in Los Angeles for Disney and Oregon for a consumer Pear mailer. Had year long art show at the Manray in Cambridge. Visited London. My sister moved to Boston where she began work at a hospital restraining CRAZY PEOPLE. Thought Industry releases "Black Umbrella". Moved from Inman/Central sq. area to a gorgeous one bedroom near Harvard Sq.

1996
Met my future wife Jennifer, who is nicknamed mo. Briefly reside in ugliest house in Massachusetts. Moved from Central Sq. to Inman Sq. Wrote lyrics and melody to "Dreams of Buried Children". Design CD cover for Amy Fairchild. Started junky art gallery "out of the blue" with two other partners. (became craft store later on). Ten year anniversary of space shuttle blowing up. TASM Fellow Craig Verity gets married. Thought Industry releases "Outerspace is just a martini away". Launch first version of the TASM Lab site, which only features "Thing and Nothing", in internet stone age.

1995
Release 2nd CD, "Thing and Nothing". Painted pictures for Thing and Nothing covers. Moved from Allston to Cambridge. TASM Fellows Genius Hired Guns release "Dutch Mafia", which seems wrong now since I remember them rehearsing for it in 1993.

1994
Painted many pictures, including "Office Fight" 1 and 2 and "Development Lab". Left PTR to work at the consulting division of EDS as a graphic artist, later to become A.T. Kearney. Got a raise. Bought a synthesizer and began long process of writing and recording "Thing & Nothing". Officially regroup under the name "TASM Lab", which is an acronym for Till Action Science Media Laboratory, and serves a general catch-all for whatever I choose to do artistically. It was started so that I could work with anyone, work remotely, and still maintain a branded entity. King Tammy release "Think of what you are eating and how it powers you" which features a parody of Screwtape's "Number 28". Taste garlic for the first time. TASM Fellow Charles Bradford gets married.

1993
Get to play at the State Theatre, which is a big whoop. Screwtape released CD, "Anthemunanthem". Screwtape began learning the song "The Year the Clouds Hated the Ground". Screwtape broke up for no real good reason. Painted "Magnet to his mother's love", which later was on the rear cover of Twitch's CD, "Beaten Senseless and Giddy With Love", which is inexplicably written, recorded and released that year, as they also released thier disc "Homewrecker", then got signed to RCA on top of it all. Thought Industry releases "mods carve the pig". Graduate from college with degree in watercolor painting and acting. Moved from Kalamazoo to Boston (which ends up redirecting my life significantly) with friend D. Austin Nash. Quit Kinko's and begin working at Personal Technology Research (PTR) as a mailroom clerk. Got a raise.

1992
Overman breaks up for no good reason. Start Screwtape with Colin Bradford. Paint all sorts of shit that stinks. Everyone starts to go hoopy over Nirvana. Black Spring spearheads compact disc revolution by releasing "Girth". My mother takes me on a cruise to the Bahamas. Thought Industry releases "Songs for Insects". I quit the Velvet Touch and begin working the nite shift at Kinko's copies. Got a raise. Move for the hundreth time within Kalamazoo, last move going to the Grant St. house where I finally resolve much of my identity configuration that I started in 1984.

1991
First Overman show is on New Year's Eve. Overman gets to open for "Nomeansno". Take job at the Velvet Touch, a small, discriminating video and novelty store featuring adult themed merchandise. Become manager two weeks into the job because porn boss rips off the store. Parents get divorced.

1990
Quit Cry and started Overman. Played a gravedigger in a university production of "Hamlet". Met Brent, Chris, Chuck, Dave, and nearly everyone else who would be in Pensigeek and T&N (except Michelle). Begin radio show at college radio station. Play the exact same records every show for almost an entire year because of disinterest in hearing new music. Work as a DJ at a roller-rink in Kalamazoo. Specialize in the hokey pokey. Work as a telemarketer for two weeks. Buy a drum set for shits and giggles and play in goofy band "the Four Horsemen", who only play two shows. One of which I miss. Live in the dirtiest house in Kalamazoo. My entire monthly expenditure is significantly less than I pay for just monthly heating oil in 2001.

1989
Met Craig Verity through a flyer. Started Cry and Common Ground. Wrote first version of "Everything seems clear". Moved out of the dorms. I play a drunk old man in a university production of "Macbeth". Work at TGI Fridays and Punchinellos as a waiter. To my surprise, I'm a terrible waiter.

1988
Finished high school. In the last year, I never had more than 130 minutes of class per day. I direct a terrible short play (with girlfriend Helga) about a comical thief. I play a Texas oil barron in a high school production of "42nd Street". It occurs to me now that I was a very middling actor, as I couldn't even score the lead in a high school play (which means I wouldn't score a lead in college among the bigger group, which meant I didn't have a prayer in the professional world). So as a dummy, I went to Western Michigan University to study ACTING and watercolor painting. Although it sounds like a recipe for financial failure, I now realize that college isn't for teaching kids anything, its just there to shake some of the idiot out of them. That said, I'm happy I enlisted for a "day camp" ciriculum, as it was enjoyable and had little bearing on what slavery-type job I would end up in. Stop two year career as deli clerk at Krogers. In university productions, I play a gay tap dancing sailor in the musical "Anything Goes" and a podunk (sp?) hayseed in the "the Dark of the Moon".

1987
Had unfortunate braces removed after a legacy of painful orthodontic appliances, including 2 retainers, a cemented palate expander and a chin strap that was applied at the age of eight. I direct terrible short play (with girlfriend Kim) "Kiss me quick, I'm double parked". In a high school production I play a play director in a production of "Noises Off", and a singing knight in "Once Upon a Mattress". I score big lipsynching to such hits as "staying alive", "monster of the drive in" and "copacabana" at high school lip synching contests (sounds like a joke, but its the truth), and subject myself to contrived regional speaking contests called "forenzics" where I would travel to other schools and tell a bedtime story against other kids telling bedtime stories. If I won (by being a better bedtime story teller) I would get a ribbon. As I write this, I can beleive that its true and am beginning to doubt my memory because bedtime story contests sound absolutely fucking ridiculous.

1986
Got drivers license. Started playing bass guitar. Played in junior rock band "The Blind Mice" with Chuck Wood, who would later play in "Common Ground". Space shuttle blows up. Begin work at Krogers as a deli clerk. Get to see the Psychedelic Furs in concert at Pine Knob. My sister is the first person in America to get a Nintendo 8. I meet my good friend Al, as we were constantly casts as Bill and Ted-esque losers in different plays, such as "pointcounterpoint". Take Russian language in school for two years and manage to pass without ever learning any Russian words. In high school productions, I play a singing gaybob in "My Fair Lady" and a deli clerk (oh the irony) in "Flowers for Algernon", a girl in "Midsummer Night's Dream" and something else in some play that I can't remember. Buy lots of Cure and Psychedelic Furs records.

1985
Performed in the one-act play called "Baby", where I played a giant baby who told jokes. Gripping stuff. Got an electric guitar. Work as a shoe clerk and check-out clerk at local Marshalls making $3.50 an hour. To fund my 2001 lifestyle, 15-year-old Jeff would have to work roughly 850 hours per week (or clone himself 21 times over). Sometimes I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and buy little me what ever he wanted. I start wearing suit coats to school to look "punky" (like John Lyden in PIL, not John Rotten in Sex Pistols). Little do I know, is that I'll have to wear a suit coat for years and years after I get out of college just to look normal. In high school productions, I play a tough, wisecracking, kung-fu fighting cop in "The Murder of Cardinal Tosca" and a singing gaybob in "Guys and Dolls".

1984
Van Halen releases last David Lee Roth record. Features most-excellent tracks "Jump", "Panama" and "Hot for teacher". Began high school at Wylie Groves. Painted tennis shoes funny colors in beginning, futile attempts to develop personal identity. Join Groves wrestling team for about a month before realizing that wrestling after school "sucks". Buy a copy of Cheap Trick's "Live at Budokon".

1983
Try to fall sick nearly everyday before school in attempts to stay home. Ends up every other kid is doing the same.

1982
Bought first musical instrument, Casiotone MT-60. Promptly write first song with one of the versatile drum beat presets. Build home-made ping ponging recording studio. Dad takes me to The Cars in concert. My favorite band at the time and first live music experience. "Wang Chung" open the show, who kind of "suck wang", if you get my meaning. I go to a school dance and have diareah so bad that my mother has to take me home.

1981
Start swimming "Butterfly" stroke on the swim team. One of the few a can do two laps. Consistently come in 5th and 6th in swim meets. (winner of the you're-a-sissy "pink" ribbons).Accidentally wet my pants at a school trip to Chuckie Cheese while playing "Frogger". I begin attending Berkshire middle school.

1980
Draw first picture of bare breast. Swear that a bare breast will be in every future painting where it can be grossly justified. Beginning of "fat" eighties, although at nine years old I realize little economic benefit. Mt. St. Helens erupts.

1979
Begin painting with canvas and acrylic. Become the best at Artwork that I can ever be and spend rest of my life trying to get better.

1978
See Star Wars 11 times in the theatre. Event acts as one of the key shapers of my psyche. Even as I close on thirty I can't help but stop and examine Darth Maul toys in the mall. Learn how to write in cursive, which I never use again.

1977
Begin wearing a chin strap to bed (see 1987) to correct an underbite, which I still have. The chin strap is literally that, a strap that wraps around my head and pulls on my chin. In 1999 an oral surgeon laughs at my chin strap saying "silly orthodontist, always trying to fix things without oral surgery". I imagine the oral surgeon would have failed as well and had an equally potent propensity for pain delivery.

1976
My family moves from Sterling Heights, MI to Beverly Hills, MI. Learn every mathematical principal I will ever have to use as a business consultant and marketing strategist at Beverly Elementary. Learn how to ride a bike.

1975
My mother thinks I have anal worms. My dad cinches the conversation with a simple "he doesn't have any worms, its just 'itchy butt'". The movie "Jaws" is released. Charlie Chaplin is knighted by Queen Elizabeth. I'm caught on film shaking my sister violently.

1974
Move from Detroit to Sterling Heights. Begin at a kindergarten where the teacher paddles the kids with one of those pogo-ball paddles. Her name is Mrs. Yorbalinski and if she still walks the earth she should be tracked down and put through the spanking machine. and I mean the big, adult spanking machine. My sister is born on my birthday, exactly one minute later than my time of birth. Grandma insists that I eat large disgusting lemon cookies throughout the ordeal.

1973
Master basic motor skills, which prove to be useful still to this day. Have vivid memory of a balloon flying into a purple room. Remember my grandmother's grape vines. Remember father's big blue car and an uncles green Volkswagen.

1972
Begin wearing "big boy" pants (no, not the white and red checkered ones). Vocabulary reaches into the hundreds of words. Further experiment with motor control. TASM Fellow Chris Beck begins schooling, which takes him nearly 30 years to complete.

1971
Get to eat some solid food, like Cheerios. Experience first birthday. My grandfather dies.

1970
First Christmas and thanksgiving. Born in November. Probably conceived in February. Gestated between 2/70 and 11/70.

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Comments from the world

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Posted by: Michael J on 04-30-08 You're Welcome

Posted by: Frog on 03-30-08 k revel everyone is not arol, only arol is arol, you win. the point is that the truth stands for itself, so i do too, and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it, which puts your tiny power trip right in its place doesnt it. doesnt matter anyway. cheers.

Posted by: . on 03-28-08 right, well i guess expecting that drastic of a process acceleration isn't rational is it. *shrug* well if it makes any difference,I myself as Steve,am NOT a wound up nature show host or school shooter or some random person who cant manage to get off their ass without external encouragement or anyone else I killed who's name was Steve.THAT Steve is DEAD in the final context of the word and no one in their RIGHT MIND cares, to continue identifying with him as a living being.This is ludicrous.

Posted by: seventh cloners cloners clone's clone of a seventh cloners cloners clone's clone's clone on 03-19-08 everything is enchanted. enchantment is the more melodic synonym of entropic gravity touching closer to its etheric nature as you see it takes the cemetary out of the song in essence linguistically. take, for example, my radio. it's an inexpensive cd player and am/fm model with no tape player and no clock- i had the option to let my mom get me a pricier model because it was a birthday gift but the other model was unaesthetic. the brand name printed on it demanded attention. this little guy doesn't ask me to look at it. after my mom bought it for me i gave it back then bought it off her, which sounds like nonsense maybe but thats what i had to do for it to be mine. now its in my aparment sitting on the microwave, plugged into the wall (the radio is, not the microwave), but i never use it, nor do i intend to. i never turn it on. i don't own any cds and i'm not interested in the radio stations. it's just important, for some reason, that that thing is there. it's existence and presence in my apartment in and of itself is the manifested expression of the radio station i'm listening to, the radio, at least that part of it that is there merely to act as a mental reference point to the radio, to itself, to the essence of the here and now that is the true raw nature of time as it would otherwise be forgotten in the false context of memory. there is no music that is richer than this. there is no signal stronger than silence as all sound is contained within it. everything is enchanted by silence. the strength of an existences enchantment is measured by the strength of its silence. this is true for all of existence including within the context of music as expressed in the wake of silence.

Posted by: i agree on 03-17-08 revel is a coward on an ego trip. no argument there at all. i am you as you are he and you are me and we are all NOT -that- guy revel.

Posted by: . on 03-17-08 there's obviously a direct connection between time travel and the dimensions. when a person time travels the first thing that happens is that they effectively erase their original timeline, so there has to be somewhere for te traveller to be wen their originating timeline is gone, and that is the dimensions/dimensional existance, which is the same as the place refered to as the other side, which is accessable by degree of indisposal to physicality, of course. it i by order of the cessation of interest in the expression of the local timeline that the traveller is imparted visibility within this field, and this process may be expressed in varying degrees of speed. the traveller for example may wish to sift bulk from their observed expression or to purge it, perhaps in haste, which would lengthen the process, as more bulk would then be created while attempting to escape entropic gravity which no one can do on the other side or on this one.

Posted by: Emmanuel Teijeiro. Original creator of homestarrunner.com on 02-11-08 so i was like "i sure am the original creator of homestarrunner.com and i don't give a fuck who your two brothers think they are". and that was that.

Posted by: frog on 02-08-08 in response to "black lentil"'s prattle about sporky: dude, how are you going to say that it's SAD that a kid named after a plastic fork and spoon combination i ate parfaits from kentucky fried chicken with when i was the same age he was when we were both on the farm does better growing up in the mainstream, using a username that's just a ripoff of kira's, and an incoherent one at that, and expect to be taken seriously? i mean, by anyone intelligent, obviously you succeeded in shutting down the thread and making a spectacle of hipforums moderatorship, but that's beside the point. or is it. heh. nevermind. good job genius.

Posted by: post regarding revel's ego trip in zendik forums on 01-28-08 Revel: (clears throat) Everyone (in the context of this dicussion) IS Arol, and everyone else here for that matter. You ARE a weak masochistic conceited bitch, and a failure at life. I AM intelligent and confident enough not to bother wasting my time either advising or commanding you to "get some class" as I DO recognize the boundary between my responsibility and yours, and that IS the reality you have to face every day of your life, waking or sleeping. I AM the winner of that and any other existing argument for that matter, and I AM at this moment as these words are spoken, a better zendik than you, a better man than you, and a better person than you, BECAUSE my response to life is YES, to knowing that the one bearing the devils advocate excuse is the fool, the martyr, the retard, and the loser, being yourself, in that matter, of course. Cheers (to me). Blan. Frog

Posted by: whats wrong with my name on 01-25-08 god IS us, and wether or not i care about you doesn't need to be ADVERTISED. this dilema is the foundation of the zendik cult, which is founded and led psychically by me simply because i bear that name, and am conscious of it's fallacy, and THAT's what's behind zendik. That's the whole thing.

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